The Biggest Joke Book Ever
An edited excerpt from the book.
Now, you ask why women seem to be more spiteful than men, while
I love being a woman.
We start to bud in
our blouses and very soon the blooming buds came with the ridiculously
uncomfortable training bra contraption .Next, we get our periods in our early
to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with the budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped,
we got the hormone crankies, have to wear little mattresses between our legs or
insert tubular cotton rods in places we didn’t even know we had.
Our next little passage Marriage ,sex for the first time makes us wonder what
all the fuss was about.
Then soon off to Motherhood where we learned to live on cravings (most of
them).
Of course, amazing
creatures that we are, we learned to live with the growing little angels inside
us steadily kicking our innards
Our once flat
bellies looked like we swallowed a watermelon whole and pee often.. When the
big moment arrived, we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in
pain all the way to the ER.
Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB or go under the knife (Most
feeling a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch hubby square in the nose for
making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed bowling ball through a keyhole)
After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that
“cute” wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking,
jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.
Then comes their “Teen Years.” Need I say more?
When the kids are almost grown, moving on to be the best we are but very soon progress into the grand finale: “The MENopause”
(What do MEN have to do with it?), “The Grandmother of all womanhood”.
